Danielle Shorr
Elegy for the Resilient
Because we took Vicodin with cocktails over dinner I
spent the evening dry heaving on the bathroom
floor you were fine we took Codeine on
the couch with watermelon margaritas I
got nauseous I had to get completely undressed you
didn’t your body could handle it I told myself that
about you your body it could handle anything you
could handle anything I couldn’t handle substance with
grace you showed me the webbing on fingers where
you injected I wondered where you had learned how
to do that probably somewhere on the internet you
were good at finding what you needed you were
good at everything so good I thought nothing could
kill you I should have had an intervention I should
have slipped Narcan in your purse like a love note we
did coke off an Ipad in a bathroom at a party we
were sober eating dumplings on my living
room couch we smoked weed and laughed until
saliva poured from the corners of our unstoppable
mouths I was there when you pulled the bag of
pills out from underneath your bed like a lifetime
collection of stones I was there when you ate none of
the food on your plate it was your favorite restaurant it was
your favorite city it was your birthday it was
a weekend it was a Monday night and the world was
ours to dry-swallow you were so good at excuses you
were an artist of defense you could make shooting
up safer than taking Tylenol I asked what it felt
like you said like everyone you’ve ever loved hugging
you all at once you could convince the emergency
room doctors that you needed Dilaudid so smart it was
scary I wondered if you would ever regret the tattoo you
got when you were high I thought someday you
would regret is something that you have to live
long enough to experience I don’t regret anything we
did I regret thinking nothing could kill you
Danielle (she/her/hers) is an MFA alum and professor of disability/queer rhetoric at Chapman University forever trying to make the transition from poetry to fiction. She has a fear of commitment in regard to novel writing and an affinity for wiener dogs. Her work has been published by MTV, Crab Fat Magazine, Hobart, Split Lip, Redivider, etc.